It's sunday, off day, no training, no language learning. We were supposed to go hiking with friends but the weather forecast was menacing us with thunderstorms and hail so instead I stay at home. Although summer is about to start, the temperature is at that great dividing line between chilly and uncomfortably unnoticable where the air flow around your limbs and face contributes something important to your perception of the world. I sit down on the balcony, looking at the clouds run by. They are large, torn apart like cotton pads, some ressemble glass shards or that distorted skull in the Holbein painting. I ask myself "what if reality would suddenly break asunder, bits of meaning expanding faster than the universe? Would that look like a world of thunderclouds before the storm?" A sense of beauty in the instant where you realise that you cannot bounce off flakes of vapor and fall into the shadows while lighter beings continue their eternal travels. I answer with a refreshed "yes!" when my gf suggests to go on our customary walk but her back hurts today so we don't go much farther than a coffee place in an old stone building under the cathedral. People running, a 10 kilometer track for people who want to maintain a sense of youth in a life busy with work and parenting, it's starting to rain, just in time to get a waffle with caramel and some coffee. That waffle is excellent, a cloud of crispy joy, but it is with a coffee in hand I become another man. Years back, when I saw a picture of my uncle in some art catalogue, handsome young man, all intelligence and mischief with a black and white cigarette suspended between his right index and middle finger I understood that a habit or object can get you into your preferred state of mind, where your whole existence clicks into place and makes sense. For me that's a culturally significant beverage, a table to lean on and one other person sitting on it's far end. Here, whatever the other person is saying becomes a vivid part of my reality, I see what they're telling me as a new and mysterious landscapes with lots of hidden paths to explore and I become like a mystic mage in some fantasy story ready to follow them down into the depths and dungeons of their soul - and open for visitors as well. This time my gf was enthusiastic and pragmatic. "What if we started organising events for friends? I feel ready now". This has been a long standing thought in my quest for meaning. How to help other people doing what you love? It turns out I love talking and knowing and have a certain sense of atmosphere that could be used to just make things happen. If you think about it, the world is quite boring, people tend to seek out a set of routines and patterns that work for them and then never change. It's difficult, risky, unreasonable to leave a well running regularity once you find it, which already takes a long time. But whenever someone does, people are happy for the change in perspective. That's why stories exist, it's why brands promise lifestyle changes and people do crazy things like following the white rabbit, falling in love or fabricating reality, both lying about it and actually making it happen. I write a message to my friend ZY, the best organiser I know, to ask about how one goes about that and she's happy to impart some knowledge. I'm curious. In the afternoon my phone vibrates. I decided to watch some video game and relax, even if the game is mediocre, this creates a state of positive familiarity. It has been years that I actually identified as a gamer but the medium with all it's codes that have become about as solid as those of literature or music as the industry slowed down and professionalized, have accidentally become my happy place. If I were to paraphrize Schopenhauer for a second, the bit about life being endless falling, I'd say life is a bike trip across a mountain. It has a slow start, a challenging journey upwards that feels incredibly rewarding, a comfortable plateau where you enjoy the view and then becomes a downhill race. You know the moment where by the magic of your mutual love to planet earth your movement becomes effortlessly accelerating, exhilarating, the sense of freedom when you can stretch your legs out to the sides and reach exciting speeds while trees fly by in a blur and you become a storm cloud like those down in the unmoving valley, framed by mountains, splashed by the godlike chiaroscuro of a late summer afternoon? All that to say that at some point you hit the breaks instinctively and enjoy regularity, codification, a low level of change and surprise. We reach different speeds but anyone in their right mind hits the breaks at some point and starts to enjoy the abscence of change. I don't know what's scarier, the speed or the screeching of the breaks. Maybe I'm not going fast enough yet. My phone vibrates and two girls want to chat with me. One is a doctor, very serious, estimated free time per year 5 minutes and 30 seconds, loves to sing and learn japanese. The other one a fashion designer, has studied BDSM at university, only talks to people she considers beautiful and goes from moments of reading and introspection to weeks spend in hostels to hear about how other people are solving the puzzle of life. The conversations couldn't have been different but both connected to a part of my being that I was excited to explore. On one side I felt like become a trusted companion, far away but with calming and witty things to say, the guy with whom to slow down and enjoy some art. On the other side a little devil with horns, poking for information about feelings, sex and the importance for freedom. One wants to live alone, follow a career she feels is important, a mission and then once she'll be too exhausted, let go and enjoy a life of sweet nothing and music. The other one is free on a flight from an overbearing mother and cultural system but somewhat lost, dreaming about stability but in fear of the risk of becoming reduced and locked up in the process.  I've been writing for 6 hours, enjoying myself being humorous or gentle. I now have the urge to cheer up the doctor every day: "you're awesome! Here's some music for your next day" and crack an erotic inside joke with the curious designer. Supposedly these are platonic relationships too, the imagination of them being girls is necessary for my enjoyment but I don't have any intentions of anything whatsover. Just two people I have an unconscious biological interest in becoming partners in a game of mind with two different rule sets. Life is strange and wondrous.