My friend had a health scare recently. A cancer marker, very slightly over the safe limit and very early detection. This friend is someone who has a custom, silent prayer for every time an ambulance passes by at an audible distance. Someone who likes to do and think good. Someone who feels connected to the universe, being able to talk to it, cut some deals, pull some strings. I have no doubt that she has some karma saved up and even in the worst case, the universe would just turn a blind eye and say: "not this one, continue!" But I was scared when she told me. It was very interesting to see how this fear expressed itself. Silently. I just sat down, staring at my feet, hearing nothing in my mind. On the other hand, when I fear to lose the attention of a lover, my brain won't shut up. I used to say that losing someone you love is like death, even when they're actually just making the decision to move on without you. You lose contact after all, cannot talk to them, cannot be seen by them. The way I love however, is by recognizing someone's potential and identifying myself with it. "That girl is so gentle and sunny, she could unite the entire world in a hug!". I love the person fitting this description, because that's how I see my own relation to the world only that I would express it differently and hers is a complimentary, attractive way. So if that person refuses me, sure I will be angry and frustrated, probably even hate her for a couple of minutes but then reason reconnects and I understand: this is still the same person I value to miraculous degrees. So I become sad but as acceptance kicks in, the feeling actually stabilizes to a bittersweet rollercoaster. Sometimes a day becomes just one whole level better, because you know for sure that you can look up to one of your fellow human beings somewhere in the world, one day you plunge into a water basin and tears flow uncontrollably towards the gutter of memory lane. But I never stop acknowledging the existence of a person I love. So when they do things that widen the gap between us, it's a constant choice that requires spontaneous reaction, as if you could convince her to reconsider. Maybe you imagine having the possibility to tell her all those arguments you come up with one day. Relative closeness and distance to a loved friend, not necessarily and especially if you love the world they create for themselves, their behavior, their dreams and hopes, is a choice made by two people and as such a matter of debate. But this other case? Silence. There is nothing to be said. Only certainty to be gained. Life is fast. While there is a place for struggling, for attracting, talking, approaching, achieving, for failing, losing, breaking up and letting go, the best thing you can do for a friend is being an island of stability. A pillar. A shoulder. I don't always agree with her but I will be there more positive and cheerful than I would be for myself.